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The man was built to play hoops, so the reality show built around him sounds downright loopy.
“Shaq Vs.,” which ABC premiered Tuesday night, features Shaquille O’Neal taking on star athletes in their own sports.
The reality is that it’s not much of a show.
There’s about a half-hour worth of concept here, but, unfortunately, this rather slight 9 p.m. program lasts a full hour.
So it plays kill-the-clock with lots of unconvincing trash talk between the competitors, lots of training sequences and lots of commercial breaks.
But if not exactly a “Nova” special when it comes to content, “Shaq Vs.” does bounce along in a good-natured way without ever making you want to scream “Foul!”
Indeed, compared to most reality shows, particularly those that premiere in the summer, this is pretty high-end stuff.
The opener pitted the Cleveland Cavaliers’ new center against Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback and Lima native Ben Roethlisberger. Neither man is a stranger to world championships.
Roethlisberger was the winning quarterback in two Super Bowls. O’Neal has won four NBA championships (three with the Los Angeles Lakers, one with the Miami Heat).
Future shows will feature the 7-foot-1 Shaq against swimmer Michael Phelps, tennis champ Serena Williams, boxer Oscar De La Hoya, home run specialist Albert Pujols and, in the next show (9 p.m. Tuesday on WEWS Channel 5), volleyball team Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor.
Considering the caliber of the competition and the variety of the sports, championship-starved Cleveland fans might view this show as one giant injury risk. I mean, think of the damage a stray De La Hoya left hook can do. What happens if Serena tries an overhand smash that finds Shaq’s noggin?
Tuesday’s premiere made it clear, however, that the name of the game is safety. The showdown with Big Ben was a glorified game of two-hand touch football. It was not exactly the type of matchup that suggested Ali vs. Frazier.
Each quarterback was given three possessions. Roethlisberger started from the 40-yard line, Shaq started from the 20 — no pads, no rushing, no tackling, no real drama.
For the record, Roethlisberger won the game, 21-14. He also bested Shaq in a game of horse. But for all the posturing and trash talk, “Shaq Vs.” really is designed to be an amiable goof of a reality show.
The packaging is cheesy in the extreme, with over-earnest hosts Mike Goldberg and Pat Tomasulo sounding as if they were cast as the ringside announcers for a “Rocky” movie. When they referred to this bit of gridiron fun as “a football game for the ages,” you wondered how they kept from falling out of their chairs.
Shaq told Roethlisberger that this “ultimate in cross-training” show was part of his plan for getting into shape for the Cavs. “This may be my last year and, in a perfect world, win the whole thing,” Shaq said.
Is he serious? With Shaq, it’s usually hard to tell. He has that killer smile, which is equal parts killer charm and killer competitor. And you’re not sure when he’s kidding. So think of “Shaq Vs.” as one big reality Shaq smile.